The Bargaining Chip
Pamela Powers, CCHT, EFTadv, Reiki Master Teacher, Touch for Health
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After a month or so into the 2011 baseball season, Oakland A's pitcher, Trevor Cahill, was 6-0. Then he signed a multi-million contract. Subsequently, before he could catch his breath, he went 3 and 12 and is now 9-12 in August of 2011...12 losses...close to the number of games the A's are behind in the American Leage pennant race. Where would they be at this juncture if he had won most of them?
Former fellow A's pitcher, Barry Zito, was a Cy Young winner with the A's, when he was traded to the SF Giants for a reported $126 million for 7 years...and he never saw that echelon again. Golfer Tiger Woods was caught up in a scandal and returned to the course, only to never match up to his former success. Hillary Clinton failed to make the presidency.
How does scaling the heights to success ultimately cause some people to crash and burn?
I was reading a book by Marianne Willaimson on "The Course in Weight Loss". She wrote a comment that struck a chord. Under the section of issues to consider about why we have excess weight, she listed about 20 possibilities, and one of them was Self Abnegation. The dictionary says it's "self denial", but Ms. Williamson describes it much more eloquently:
ie, "I have built this wall so others won't hate me for being beautiful and successful and seeming to have it all.
"Perhaps you have subconsciously chosen excess weight as a bargaining chip to win the approval of others, as tho if you have one big thing you still suffer from, then you're not so glorious to offend them"
Bull's Eye! Is that why some of us "fail" or don't reach the level of success we should? Are we so sensitive that we hate the idea of feeling the jealousy and enmity of others, so we create an issue that brings us down in rank; so people have compassion and empathy for us? For even tho we want to have the approval of our parents, we want to have the approval of those around us, too.
In primitive times, children were desperate to win the approval of their parents. In those days, if the parents rejected them, they could be tossed out into the snow to die; for it was survivial of the fittest. Times were harsh. Children would vie for their parents' approval, to be the one kept. And yet, at times, the one kept would feel the jealous eyes of the others as their fate hung in the balance....or in another scenario, they would love one of their siblings or a cousin, so much and realize if they stayed and won the approval, the beloved sibling might be left behind to die...so they made the decision to just keep being 'good enough' but not excel, so both wouldn't get booted.
I bet if you asked her, Hillary Clinton would say she wanted to be president more than anything else in the world...but did she? She was respected in many ways, but she wasn't loved by the populace as Jackie Kennedy was loved, for instance. Even tho consciously she wanted to be the most powerful woman in the world, did Hillary know somewhere inside that she needed something - that bargaining chip - so people would have compassion for her, include her, and see her as having this one thing, that keeps her from being rejected? Maybe Bill's philandering was suppose to give her that 'chip', but she needed more after he was no longer president. Even tho she probably went thru the agonies of hell when she had to give way to Barack Obama, inside, deep inside, was she really happy?...not that she'd ever tap that depth, but did she do one or two things unconsciously to keep her from getting to top job? Certainly, we view her more warmly now.
Barry Zito's mother was a Unity minister. He grew up with a metaphysical philoosopy...one perhaps that money isn't everything. Even tho his male ego might have wanted to be a premium pitcher and receive top dollar...is there something inside that needs to be 'one of the guys' and have them keep him in the inner circle?
Tiger Woods scaled the heights of athletic supremacy...earned zillions of dollars; had a beautiful wife and two beautiful children...and then he was caught up in the sex scandal and now he is not attaining the heights he once scaled so effortlessly. Is this his 'bargaining chip' to get back in the good races of the world...and maybe come back in a year or so to prime form, now being the guy with feet of clay to which we can all relate....and forgive?
And, Trevor Cahill. He's 9-12 as a pitcher as I write this. Ever since he signed the big contract for millions of dollars, he hasn't matched his former feat. Sometimes we can feel guilty about doing better than our friends and family. We can have a concept of "our place" and how much we can have in this world. We know how we feel about people who have money, and frequently diss them, to make ourselves feel better. Is this Trevor's "bargaining chip?" Is this what keeps him from cashing in on his talent and ability? For even tho he has the money and contrct now, which should give him more than enough money for the rest of his life, if he keeps this up he's not going to get his contract renewed.
If I were Trevor's therapist, this is what I would do, using EFT...
Have him think back to a time when he was lauded for being good and his peers were made to feel badly about it, and weave that into the script.
Tap on the KC point on the side of the hand:
"Even tho I seem to need a bargaining chip to justify making all this money, I deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself. I forgive myself to my contribution to it, I forgive others for their contribution to it. This is merely a physical manifestation of a blocked emotional issue and I love myself faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar too much to allow it to continue one second longer."
"Even tho when I was _____ years old, and _____________________ happened, and I felt ostracized because I was the good one, I deeply and completely and profoundly love, accept and forgive myself for this equal and opposite reaction."
TH: "Even tho I need a bargaining chip so others will continue to like me, see me as being someone human that keeps me being a regular guy, I deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself."
BE: "Even tho I have all these skills and talents and yet I can't pitch the way I used to because I need this bargaining chip, I deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself."
TH: this bargaiing chip x3
BE: keeps me human x3
SE: this one big thing I suffer from x3
UE: keeps me from offending people for making the big bucks x3
above/below lips: this bargaining chip x3
CB: people will look back on my career and have compasssion for me
5 fingers: I will only have this contract this one time and people will still befriend me
clap wrists: I know my place x3
TH: Even tho I seem to need this bargaining chip, and I don't know why, I deeply and completely love and accept and forgive myself. It is what it is. I accept it, for it was established in the past. I come to peace with it. This is my reaction to great success. I accept that.
("The humanist psychologist, Carl Rogers said, "The paradox is when I can accept myself just as I am, then I can change")
BE: I CHOOSE AGAIN x3
SE: I CHANGE MY MIND x3
UE: I AM THE GAME CHANGER x3
abv/below lips: I have a fundamental right to be here and to have
CB: I have a fundamental right to evolve and change and enjoy my accomplishments
5 fingers: I have a fundamental right to be an individual and be acknowledged and accepted for what I do best.
TH: I have a fundamental right to love and be loved for who I am, what I do, and what I contribute to my family, my self and society.
BE: I CHOOSE AGAIN x3
SE: I CHANGE MY MIND x3
UE: I AM THE GAME CHANGER x3
abv/below lips: I get out of my head, get in to my right brain and just let my talent flow
CB: I am deserving of all good things
5 fingers: I am worthy
clap inner wrists: I have a fundamental right to be here and to have.
** I just tap above and below the lips at the same time, and since we don't do the 9 gamut much anymore, I tap the five finger tips of one hand to the same 5 on the other.
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©Pamela Leigh Powers, CCHT, EFT-adv, Reiki Master Teacher, Regenesis Intern, is the author of "Chinese Power Animals - Archetypes of Transformation" relating the Chinese animals to the meridian system. She lives in Benicia, California, north of San Francisco. email firstname.lastname@example.org and website: www.acumindeft.com
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